The day my state introduced a bill that would limit conversations around gender and sexual orientation in classrooms, I re-posted the news on Twitter and cried for sleep.
Later that night, my phone rang. I squinted my eyes, trying to understand the sound of the screen.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you then.”
The message was from my high school counselor. I felt like my heart sank when the memory of growing up in the South came back to me – classmates use “homosexuality” as a reproach, they feel like they reject an identity that I still had no place to embody.
I wondered how different it would be if I had a teacher or mentor in my corner – someone I could trust and talk about who I was and wanted to be.
Someone who really made me feel like I was right.
Ten years ago, I had no conversations about identity in middle or high school. Without resources and support, even well-meaning educators like my mentor have avoided discussing issues that are considered limited.
I’m afraid of returning to countries like Florida with anti-LGBTQ + and “Don’t Say Gay” bills. At least 15 states have passed or considered legislation that will affect how educators discuss gender identity and interact with LGBTQ + students.
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I am concerned that this law, and the moral panic surrounding it, will have a cooling effect on conversations between students and teachers, making it harder for students to build supportive relationships with adults that could make a huge difference in their lives.
Most of the problems lie in the ambiguity of the law and the discourse leveled around them. In addition to banning guidelines on sexual orientation and gender identity in young grades, Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” law and similar bills include vague language about “age-appropriate” guidelines at any grade level.
In this climate of intense scrutiny and indefinite boundaries, many educators simply avoid anything that they fear they might drop into hot water or use against critics of Florida-style legislation is a derogatory and misleading term “grooming”. Can bring complaints.
I wondered how different it would be if I had a teacher or mentor in my corner – someone I could trust and talk about who I was and wanted to be.
Even employees who personally agree with these laws may be afraid of being caught in a superfluous case by the plaintiff’s parents.
Considering what we know about the importance of positive, healthy relationships in tackling the growing youth mental health crisis, this is a recipe for disaster. As a diverse student in the South, having a trusting relationship with an adult at school made me feel safer and more welcome.
Students who feel connected to school are significantly less likely to experience many negative mental health consequences, including feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. The presence of a caring, supportive adult is especially important for LGBTQ + youth. Those who are acceptable adults in life are 40 percent less likely to attempt suicide.
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When conversations between educators and students seem like navigating a minefield, these helpful and trusting relationships cannot develop. Even if many of these legal proposals are not passed, they have already created fear and anxiety in schools for students and teachers.
We can’t leave the kids to deal with this alone. Finding ways to help LGBTQ + youth is an important need for those of us who are out of school.
One step adults can take is to become a LGBTQ + youth counselor. Counselors can provide emotional support, help their counselors navigate the challenges of their identity and envision a more optimistic and positive future.
Counselors can also be a source of reassurance at a time when many young people are using some politicians to create anti-LGBTQ + discourse internally.
Mentoring advocates are joining educators across the country to speak out against these discriminatory bills and to find ways to help LGBTQ + students improve. In Minneapolis, a new nonprofit called QUEERSPACE matches LGBTQ + youth with LGBTQ + counselors and works with community partners and families to reduce LGBTQ + youth isolation, suicide and homelessness.
When my former school counselor contacted me, I realized how difficult it can be for educators to navigate these issues alone. Organizations like QUEERSPACE similarly serve as a lifeline for students, families and educators.
Counseling alone will not solve the mental health crisis of young people, nor is it a sufficient single response to the LGBTQ + illegal wave. But it is imperative that each of us find a way to fight or thwart this law so that it does not further isolate and marginalize young people and does not limit the ability of educators to help them.
We must strive to be the kind of sure support and connection for students and educators that can make all the difference.
Amaris Ram is a graduate student who is pursuing a master’s degree in social innovation. They work as grassroots organizing managers at Mentor, a national nonprofit organization that works to expand the quality and quantity of mentoring relationships for young Americans.
The “don’t say gay” law is produced by this piece about Hatchinger report, A non-profit, independent news organization focusing on inequality and innovation in education. For registration Hatchinger’s newsletter.
