Our collective heart is broken with the parents of the victims of Rob Elementary School in Uwald, Texas.
We see anger in the media. Complaints fly, finger pointing and blaming. As our politicians push it like backyard bullies, our children are killed in schools that have become battlefields.
I’m not just talking about bullets. We are witnessing more physical fights being videotaped and posted online, increasing property destruction and growing anxiety towards mental illness and substance abuse.
“Our children are in crisis,” US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy reports, as children fill our emergency rooms with thoughts of harming themselves and others.
We are demanding to stop this heartbreaking reality, but at the same time we are looking for a magic pill: gun control.
I heard this same rallying cry about 10 years ago in 2012 after the murder of my 6-year-old son, Jesse Lewis, along with 19 of his classmates and six teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
Related: Mass shooting in Texas raises the same old question about how to protect American children
I chose a different path, realizing that if we just focus on the problem, we will always be one step behind. Inspired by Jesse, who shouted for his classmates to run while the gunman took a break to reload, and who left a message on our kitchen chalkboard a few days before his death, “Nuttering Helen Love”, I started Choose the love movement to address the root cause of the pain that leads to.
Many children grow up in dysfunctional families and do not destroy themselves or commit crimes through genocide, drugs. What’s the difference?
Children who have a faithful adult who are taught coping skills and social and emotional skills, children who love and accept themselves, do not want to harm themselves or others.
Children who have a faithful adult who are taught coping skills and social and emotional skills, children who love and accept themselves, do not want to harm themselves or others.
Encouraging those relationships and skills makes common sense and is backed up by decades of research.
Students who have access to Social and Mental Education (SEL) in their classroom get better grades and test scores and have higher attendance and graduation rates. SEL develops self-esteem and confidence and asks for help.
Children learn how to understand their emotions, including difficult ones, and how to manage them to move on. They learn the importance of being present, problem solving skills and how to have a healthy relationship.
These strengths persist, and young students who receive SEL training experience fewer substance abuse, mental illness, imprisonment, and violence.
So many of these vital life skills need to be taught, nurtured and practiced. The school is the ideal place to do this, especially if the child does not get it at home. To be fair, I didn’t have these skills and tools and learned them as an adult.
Obviously, none of this matters if our children are not safe. What we are realizing is that the schools we have focused so much on over the past two decades are not the complete solution.
My son Sandy Hook’s elementary school had all the modern technology. It practiced an active shooter drill a few weeks before the massacre. The safest schools are those that focus on culture in addition to door lock and law enforcement response.
Related: Opinion: Tough discussion about gun violence that we can’t afford
According to the Department of Homeland Security, the way individuals approach violence starts with a complaint that turns into an attack. Schools that focus on their culture – on empathy, connection and love growth – can reduce and even prevent allegations of aggression.
We must stop doing the same thing and expect a different outcome. Tired speech and blaming do not translate into positive action.
The hard realization is that there is no plan other than what we do, you and me. We must take responsibility for the safety, health and well-being of our children and be part of the solution.
After 10 years of passionate advocacy for child safety, I can tell you that the answer is to ensure that schools implement and adopt these comprehensive social and psychological skills programs.
Scarlett Lewis is the founder of the Choose Love Movement – Provides comprehensive, lifetime, no cost, character social emotional development programming for school, home and community. www.chooselovemovement.org
Produced by this piece about Uvalde and Sandy Hook Hatchinger report, A non-profit, independent news organization focusing on inequality and innovation in education. For registration Hatchinger’s newsletter.
